I went to church everyday for a week. I sat in the front pew. I heard the sermon loud and clear. I was listening to God.
We went on vacation last week. We rented a cabin, on a small no wake lake. We try every year to get away from it all. We don’t jet off to the Caribbean, or go to Disney World. We don’t search out risk taking adventures, we seek out life changing moments.
Like most adults, I am sometimes so busy I forget to live. I forget to breathe and take it all in. I stop stopping, and just stand still. There is always something that needs to be done, or somewhere that needs to be gotten to.The house needs cleaning, the dogs need walking, the shows need watching. I worry about everyone and everything. How are my children, are they safe, happy, healthy? How are my elderly parents? I stay awake with worry over things I can not control.And life keeps going by. And I stop hearing God. I stop hearing Him. Sometimes a whisper, lately a scream. But I am too busy to hear Him. I have things to do. Things that somehow never get done, but I keep running on that treadmill to achieve it all.I am tired.
My husband and I have talked for a long time about just moving, just going. Deep into the woods, maybe with some water near by. I don’t need a big house. We have begun looking into properties, planning, wishing, hoping. There has always been something holding me back.The kids, the job, etc. But after this week at church, I was all in.
Every morning for the week away, I was up, early,(I average about 3 hrs of broken sleep a night due to my MS I suspect and worrying.) alone, except for the birds. I would make my coffee, and walk down to the pier.I would sit and just listen. Just be still(something very hard for me to do.)I would watch the fish swim, and the hawks fly. I would close my eyes and hear the wind blow through the leaves on the birch trees.And I could hear God. I could hear the symphony he had written, just for me. Just for my extremely exhausted soul.”Be still and know that I am God.” So I would, be still. I would take a deep breath, and just be. I would look up to the sky and watch the hawk soar above me, circling around me, as if to say “you are safe.”I could feel my body relax, as the sun shone on my skin. I would dip my feet in the warm lake water, searching for the turtles.And I would praise God. For loving me, for protecting me, for forgiving me.I could feel His warmth all around me. I was where I was supposed to be.I was home.
I grew up in a city, but raised my family in a small town. Sometimes through the years, I yearned for city life again, the excitement, the hustle and bustle. I yearn for that no more. Now my yearnings are simple and basic. My husbands family is originally from up north, so it feels right to eventually return. We are getting our ducks in a row, forming a plan, and making it work. Now I can picture, me and my husband outside, either by the trees or the water.Holding my coffee and hopefully some grandchildren. In the front row pew at Church.
I am listening God.